Usually I come join and draw with her when we’re both settled and talk about what’s been going on and all that BLF stuff. It’s not meant to be a punishment nor does she see it as one, it’s just calming redirection. This particular strategy is not backed by science or experts as far as I know and I completely made this up on my own, so take it as you will, but it really calms both of us down and hits the reset button. I also get the opportunity to walk away for a bit, zone out, etc. If it’s the de-escalation and reset he’s looking for with the timeouts, when feelings are getting very heightened in our house and I’m really reallyyyy about to lose my shit (I’m pretty calm and collected by nature), I put her in her high chair with paper, crayons, and water. It’s such a loaded strategy, it’s worth unpacking and maybe even coming up with better solutions or even deciding there isn’t even a problem in her behavior at all. I would ask him what is it about time outs that appeals to him. It’s so unfair to him, you know? Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted talk. I unpacked why I thought this and I realized I am expecting my child to act a way where he isn’t developmentally. Am i making sense? As I said, for whatever reason, it took me a while to “get it”. I wouldn’t punish him for doing it as he hasn’t fully developed empathy yet. However it’s my job as his mom to redirect him. My son 25 months old sometimes pulls my dogs tail and laughs at it. It’s our job to model/explain/show what we deem acceptable. + I also want to add that it’s not so much that they know what they are doing, but they don’t know what’s acceptable and what’s unacceptable behavior. Read up on childhood development and you’ll see this is not a good way to go about it. Most of the time its also our fault because we are putting our expectations as adults on how we expect a BABY to act. It took me a very long to unlearn my problematic ways of viewing how I should change my child’s behavior. Our jobs as parents is to redirect, not punish by leaving them alone. It doesn’t work and he just keeps going at it again. A friend of mine does time outs with her barely 20 month old. Many folks here have a good method with the cool down break. (Me) as his mom knows what’s right and wrong. I used to think my toddler “knew” what he was doing. It’s worked so well and it’s given her a much better opportunity to practice regulation skills than being put in time out!Īt 17 months your child DOESNT comprehend what is happening. Whenever she gets overly frustrated we do a time in. We’ve been doing this with my almost 2 year old … really since birth I guess. It’s okay to cry when we’re upset!” and work on coregulating activities like deep breaths beside them for awhile, then try to redirect to fulfill that need. When they’re at a 10, they won’t understand punishment or reasonable talk so I just validate their feelings and verbalize what’s going on “I can see you’re very upset. We use it as an opportunity for connection and coregulation. If she was hitting, I would bring her a big stuffed animal she can hit and jump around on and yell into. So if she would go to time out for drawing on the wall, I would bring colors and paper to time in to help fulfill that need. We don’t focus on punishing the acting out, we try to find the root of WHY she was acting out and tend to that need. We set a timer and take her to a different environment (we have a low stimulating tent that we use as a sensory space and also a covered porch if they want to go outside) and give our undivided attention to her. She was not able to regulate in time out and would come out even more upset than before, and she would act out accordingly. We found that when she was having big feelings, isolating her didn’t help at all. With my bonus babe, we tried time out around 3.
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